How Drifting Men Become Aligned in 12 Weeks

Machine transcribed from the episode audio, lightly cleaned. Timestamps are approximate.

0:00
So most men that I talk to, whether they reach out to me or I engage with them, these guys, they're not typically broken. They're not in crisis. They've actually built something real. They have a business that works or some significant responsibility in a business that's working. Their income is there. They've got people trusting them. They've got some influence. But something is off and they know that. They start to feel that inside. They feel this gap between the man that people externally see and who they feel themselves to be on the inside. They can't name it. They can't fix it. And they definitely have tried, but they cannot seem to outwork the problem. That's exactly what I coach around.

0:48
That's exactly what all of my content is for. That's exactly what our Aligned Man coaching program is for. And in this video, what I want to do is I want to walk you through exactly what happens inside of those 12 weeks. No hype, no vague promises. I just want to share with you the actual work that we're going to do in plain language. And by the way, if you're like, hey, I don't want to buy anything from you, that's totally fine. Follow along anyway because you can take a lot of these principles and practices and apply them to your own life right now just based upon what I'm sharing with you. So there's going to be a lot here that's going to be really helpful for you if you feel like you're in a place that you're just not 100% certain as to what is wrong or what's off, but something is off inside of you.

1:33
So three phases, nine things that we take men through, nine things that you can consider for yourself. And when we do all that, one new man comes out the other side. And so that's what I'm so excited to show you right here. Okay. By the way, before we get into that, before we start talking about phases and practical tips and ideas, if you are here right now and you're like, yeah, you know what? I feel a little bit off. I feel like there's just something that's not quite right, but I don't know what it is. We've created something called the Gap Check. You can find the link down in the description below in this video. It's a free GPT that we've created. You don't have to put an email address, no information, nothing.

2:15
You can just use it. Seven questions takes about 10 minutes. It's going to show you exactly where the drift is showing up in your life. It is well worth doing before you watch the rest of this video, before we ever talk. It's just something that's going to really help you as you decide what you're going to do next. Okay, so three phases that we work through as we're guiding men on this journey. The first one is around this idea of having a settled identity. This is where we start. It's not a strategy. It's not a habit tracker. We start with our foundation, with the foundation. Why do we do that? We do that because most men, when they see an issue, when they have a challenge in their marriage, they try to fix it before they fix the foundation.

3:03
When they notice that their life is a little bit off, that they're not getting the outcomes that they want, they will try and create a new set of disciplines that they've heard or seen or something like that. But they're creating discipline in their life for somebody that may not be themselves. They may not apply to them properly. And these are why these things fail so often. We cannot hold ourselves accountable. We cannot expect positive outcomes out of a version of ourself that we don't even believe in. And that, again, that's what ends up happening so often. So when we're working through this first phase, there's three projects that we work on. The first one is an identity audit. We want to see where our worth is actually coming from, not where it should be coming from.

3:53
So, you know, is my worth and value, is it built on what I've accomplished, what I've achieved, my title, what other people think about me? It's so important that we do that audit. Secondly, we do something called a foundation rebuild. We want to install an anchor before the performance really gets going. So we don't want our inbox. We don't want other people running our lives. We want our foundation to speak to what we are supposed to be doing day in, day out, week in, week out, year in, and year out. The third thing that we do inside this first phase is called an identity declaration. We want to name in writing who God says we are. So we have something to lead from. We don't want to be leading towards something or we don't want to be pursuing something.

4:42
We want to be leading from something. We want to be behaving from something. And so this identity declaration, it really helps us to do that. So inside our Align Man cohort, which is a 12-week cohort that 12 guys meet together, we do this through weekly group coaching calls with hot seats. So it's real situations that are getting named in front of people. That's why it's a problem when a lot of guys try to do these things on their own. You need the feedback. You need the guidance. You need the support of other guys around you. So that's why we do these weekly group calls. For our guys, when they jump into this day one, they get a gap self-assessment. We want to walk into our first call. We want to walk into our first project with an assessment of where we're at.

5:31
This takes the gap check that I already shared with you. And it's really like it's on steroids. It just expands so much greater. And then, especially for that first week and during this first phase, we want to make sure that we have a daily anchor practice that we put into place. So that way, that anchor is what's running our week. Our week's not running us. And by the end of this first four weeks, which is really this first phase, we feel so much different. But most men that I hear as I've worked with through this and walked through this journey with, they say after that first four weeks, they start to feel like they're finally walking on a solid foundation. Like they have solid ground underneath them for the first time in years, maybe ever.

6:16
And it's so dope because this is not just some hype. This is not some motivation. This is not something temporary. I mean, this is a whole new foundation that they're working from. This foundation, this is not a warmup. This is the whole game. This is the whole thing. Everything else that we do moving forward is built on top of that, because if that's not fixed, everything that we build on top of it is going to eventually crumble and fall anyway. The thing is this, though, a settled foundation alone, it's not going to help us if we're still carrying it all alone. And so that's what phase two is all about. So phase two is all about a known connection. The enemy. The enemy. The enemy is so good to attack us when we are in our most vulnerable spots, especially

7:04
when we're alone. The enemy underneath almost every single drifting man is self-reliance. Satan himself attempts to try and get us to believe that we can do this all on our own. And even some of the gurus out there, they say, nobody's coming to save you. It's you against the world. That is not true. The thing that this world is praising people like that for is actually what's killing them. It's actually what's destroying them. Isolation is the mechanism that is often used to wreck men the most. Look, we cannot name this drift all on our own. We can't fix it alone. We can't stay aligned alone. We were not built for that. God did not create us that way.

7:50
We were made for dependence on God and brotherhood with other men. And this is what phase two does is it begins to break the isolation in the areas that have mattered most to us. So again, there's three projects in this phase that we work through. Three things that you can consider if this is a challenge for you. You're like, Ryan, I've got the foundation kind of dialed in, but I'm trying to figure out how I break this isolation because I feel like I'm all alone, especially as I've grown farther and farther up the food chain professionally. That's typically what happens. So three things that we do here. The first one is a brotherhood disclosure. We want to get into a room together virtually or in person.

8:29
And we want to speak honestly with men who are not going to perform and are not going to judge. We just want to show up as ourselves and feel as though we can be ourselves in those spaces. That's what the brotherhood disclosure is for. Then for all the married guys, which most of the guys that we work with end up being married, we do what's called a marriage reconnect. So this is about initiating real emotional presence with your wife. This is not just a date night strategy. This is about actual presence. We talk about tools, tips, and tactics, but this is about something so much deeper and so much more than that. And then the third thing we do here is called family pursuit. This is about building a practice of pursuing our kids on their terms, not when it's convenient

9:12
for us, not when I get to the end of my day and the end of myself and I've got nothing left and I'm just trying to give it whatever I possibly can. What this looks like in practice, and there's a couple of cool things that we've done for guys in this area, but one of them is called the One Right Move Playbook. And it's delivered at the start of the second phase. And it really helps guys in each of these three areas to figure out what is that one next thing. So we're not being overwhelmed by a ton of stuff all at once. Hot seats, again, are where we get to watch other men get called into these desires that they have for themselves that they know they need to be doing. And so it's really in such a supportive environment.

9:55
Look at silence and isolation is what destroys us. But when we break that, it ends up building us up. It ends up energizing us in ways like we haven't felt in a long, long time. Known is different than just being respected. Unfortunately, in today's day and age and in the positions we put ourselves in, oftentimes being respected is what keeps the distance between us and those around us. But being known is what closes it. And that's what we're after. So once the armor comes off, once we get to this place where we're like, okay, I'm starting to be known. I'm starting to feel comfortable. I don't have to carry this all alone anymore. Then I can start to pursue.

10:43
Ever it is God has put on my heart with a whole new sense of clarity. And that's what phase three is all about. Phase three is all about having a clear calling. A man who is settled and who he is, is no longer, no longer isolated. And in no longer being isolated, he can finally move forward without this anxiety that comes with needing to have everything all together all the time and being the only one that can operate everything he's involved. Most men who break through, who finally start to realize that there's a difference, unfortunately, they're not able to keep the momentum. They're not able to keep consistent in this way. And it's not because they're weak.

11:31
Really, it's because they don't have the structure to catch the drift when it comes back because it's coming back. I mean, you know this, right? You've been in situations before where you have felt all fired up. You're on a whole new train. You're on a whole new track. You're making a lot of progress. You've got the momentum going. And then you find yourself back in this position and you're like, man, what's wrong with me? Something is off. Like my wife and I, we aren't connecting. I'm doing good things in business, but it just doesn't feel that fulfilling anymore. And so that's what phase three is about for us is it's about building a structure that can be a continued, not that we'll end up being abandoned, whether we're intending to do so

12:18
or not. So three projects, again, in this third phase that are really, really exciting are super, super helpful. So the first one is called the body reclaim. And so we want to get our body back under command. This isn't about a fitness program, though fitness is a part of what we talk about. But this is about creating a standard that matches our discipline. Secondly, we do this incredible exercise called the calling. We want to name our calling in writing so it's not a vague feeling anymore. You know how you get that place where you're like, man, I feel like this is what I'm called to, but I can't quite figure it out. We've all been there and many of you are there right now. Well, when you're like that, you don't know how to create a path to get there.

13:04
This way we start to get clear on what we're called to so we can create the path to get there, to create the actions, to create the habits, to create the disciplines. That's the calling map. And then finally, we do something called the weekly reset. This is about installing a rhythm so we can keep using it long after the 12 weeks end. We want something that we can continue to come back to over and over and over again to check us, to encourage us, and to keep us going in the right direction. A couple of things that we incorporate into that are my book, Wounds, and a companion guide. It helps to run through really the whole program so we can continue to do the deep identity work. I mean, when I wrote my book, that was 2023.

13:50
Some of the things I wrote about had happened 20, 30 years prior, and they were things that I still needed to work through. And so that's what we want to give you as a tool like that. The calling map. It's awesome because it's built in writing during our calls. It's not just homework. It's something that becomes a part of who we are and what we do. And the weekly reset. I mean, that thing is so exciting because, again, we want to give ourselves structure. If you run a successful business, you know how important it is to have your systems documented, SOPs created. This is the same thing for us. We want to create a standard operating procedure for how we run our weeks, how we run our days. And that's what the weekly reset will do for you.

14:37
So just think about this. So you're in this place where you feel like, man, I'm doing pretty good, but something's off. My wife and I, we just aren't on it like we used to. My kids, they're just not enjoying being around me. We're not getting that quality time together. The gym, I feel just a little bit off. At work, I'm making some headway, but it's just not filling me. It's just not feeding me anymore. So you come in like that. You work through these 12 weeks. You work through these three phases, these nine projects throughout. You come out and you come out the other side. What I typically see is men, they leave with a structure built into their actual weeks.

15:27
Look at the drift is still going to show up. It's going to continue to show up. We're going to find ourselves back in these places again and again and again. But not only do you have a way to reset, but you have an opportunity. You have an awareness around how to catch it faster. So you can catch it right away and you can reset and get right back to being the man that you know you've been called to be. Clarity. Getting clarity around who we are and what we're called to. It cannot be a feeling. It must be a structure. And that's what these three phases do is build out the structure for you. Three phases, nine projects. One man comes out the other side.

16:14
Here is what to do if that man is you. If you've gotten to this place and you're like, Ryan, like that is me. I totally feel it. Okay. There's a couple of things that I want to suggest to you. Number one is go do that gap check down, down in the description. You can click that link. You can check that out. That would be the first thing that I would offer to you because that will give you some awareness around where your drift is occurring. Okay. Second thing I would do, I would go back and watch this video again and see as I'm sharing things with you, if you start to resonate with one or more areas, one or more of our phases, or maybe one of the projects that we'll work on, you're like, yeah, it's that

16:49
thing. If I could just get that thing, I think it would help. I believe it's got to be the collective, but maybe you're like, man, if I can just get this one thing figured out, I can do that. So maybe go back, study that, pay a little bit more attention to that specific thing. And then lastly, for a few of you guys, you're going to watch us and you're like, no way. Like, I don't want to do this on my own anymore. I don't, I don't, I don't want to be by myself. I don't want to be isolated. And I definitely don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to get everything out of the life that I've been created for. That's what the aligned man is for. That's what our 12 week coaching cohort is for. 12 men per cohort.

17:27
We run one cohort at a time so we can pay deep attention. I facilitate every single one of them so we can pay deep attention to every single man in there to ensure that they're getting the best possible outcomes out of each and every single week. If you're a faith driven man who's winning on paper, but feeling this drift underneath, that is exactly who the aligned man was created for. It was created for you. There are two great ways that you can get in touch with me. Number one is you can click my Instagram bio down below and you can DM me the word aligned. We can set up a short call. We can make sure the room is right for you and we can get you in before the seats close on this current cohort that we are, that we're filling right now.

18:09
The link is in the description there. If you're like, nah, I'm not sure I want to engage in conversation yet. Then one more link. It's also down there. You can just read more about what the aligned man is. So I'm going to put a link down there and you can read that. If you're like, yep, you know what, Ryan, I've seen it more, spelled it out a little bit better. That's for me. Then, hey, then you can book a call. Then we can talk a little bit further. Let me close with this. The drift, it does not announce itself. It would be so great if it just lit itself up in bright lights right in front of our face. But it doesn't. It doesn't announce itself. It doesn't ask for permission to come into our lives.

18:49
It just starts to grow. But by committing to transformation through something like these three phases and nine projects, our 12-week program, you will see a new man come out the other side. So we'll see you soon.