This Is What Selling Your Soul for Success Looks Like

Machine transcribed from the episode audio, lightly cleaned. Timestamps are approximate.

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I want to help you win practically, but I want to help you see that too often we're pursuing winning at the cost of our soul. We're pursuing winning at the cost of our sanity. And there are times that we need to see that winning can actually cost more than losing. I believe that the most dangerous thing a man can ever achieve, the most dangerous thing a man can realize isn't failure. It's success that never asks him who he's becoming. It's success that is not aligned to who God has called him to be. That is how you win and lose yourself.

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And that is the most dangerous game you can possibly play. Rise and stand tall. We're here today for this specific Pillars of Greatness session because God has impressed upon my heart the man that I believe this community is for. And I've taken in the feedback of hundreds of conversations and people that I've met on social media platforms with my clients. And God has just been laying on my heart this desire to serve you and to serve you well. And as all of that has been happening and God has been working on my heart, I had seen popping up over and over again people saying how great this conversation

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with Alex Hormosey and Tony Robbins was. I will link to that conversation in the show notes, in the community post, so you can go check it out if you want for yourself because I'm going to reference it a few times throughout. But I watched that and I should admit the fact that I have never, ever read an entire Tony Robbins book. I have never watched an entire training, motivational talk, podcast, anything that Tony has been on. Not because I don't respect the work that he does. I just don't value the way he goes about doing it. Meaning we can gain the whole world and still lose our soul.

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And I'm not saying that Tony Robbins has not made incredible contributions to this world. I'm not saying that Tony Robbins has not made incredible contributions to impoverished communities. I mean, you hear on this podcast, he has himself financially provided for double digit millions of meals for those less fortunate. So I have tons of respect for that. But what I mean when I say he is leading people to profit the world and lose their soul, he may be the best at helping you to live an incredible life on this earth. But he still comes up short, even for the life we live on this earth. Because without Christ, without knowing who created us, knowing who saved us,

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we'll never be able to understand what we've truly been called to, and we will never be fully fulfilled. So all of these things have come together. The conversation with Tony and Alex, the way God's been working on my heart. And I just felt led to share with you a very direct message today. So some of these are very training focused. Others of these are coming from a coach's heart. Today, I want to just share with you directly from my heart. I just want to pour out my heart and plead with you. I'm going to give you some practical tools. I'm going to give you some practical ideas. But I am here to plead with you today.

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I'm here to plead with you to refocus the way you're winning so you can start winning without losing yourself in the process. And I believe that that is the man that should be in this community. That is the man that should be following me, is the one that has tasted success, that desires success, but doesn't want to lose himself in the process, or maybe has lost himself and wants to find his way home. I am not your home. Men of greatness is not your home. But I'm going to point you towards what is. And this is not just a plea to fully give yourself over to Christ, though I am pleading for that. This is a plea to understand that if you fully give yourself over to Christ,

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the world is far more bountiful than you could ever possibly imagine. Okay? So that is my promise to you. That is my plea to you as we step through the next 30 or 45 minutes. So with that being said, I want to help you understand where I'm coming from. This is not about me telling you something that I've figured out. This is about me sharing something with you that I have been looking into the mirror for, for the better part of 20 years as I've come to faith in Jesus. And the 28 years looking in the wrong mirror before that.

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I want you to know that as you pursue success, as you pursue winning as a husband, as a father, as a business leader, winning with your health, winning financially, winning practically, winning spiritually, there is nothing wrong with winning. And I believe that as Christians, we should desire to win more than anyone. We just need to win in the right way. But as we pursue what it takes to win, as we pursue this winner's mindset, as we pursue the top steps of the podium in the areas that we feel God is calling us to, I want you to know that I see you, I feel you, and I get you. There is a serious weight in responsibility

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that we as men face that most other people don't face. You know, God has called us to stand up. God has called us to be leaders. God has called us to take very, very seriously the responsibility that he has given over to us. So there is a responsibility. There is also a pressure. There is a lot of pressure put on us to lead. In a sense, and it's not a negative pressure, but God puts a lot of pressure on us because he puts a lot of weight on this role of what it means to lead, to provide, to protect, to influence in a positive way, to make disciples.

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So there's a lot of pressure. There's a lot of pressure for us to do the things that we believe we've been called to do. There's a lot of pressure to show up boldly and authentically, knowing full well that we are never going to make friends with everybody because of what we do or what we say or how we are. I also want to address the fact that winning externally is not all bad. Winning externally, you know, too often in Christian circles, this is why this tension is so real. Oftentimes in Christian circles, you hear that we shouldn't seek to win, that we're to be meek and mild and humble.

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But meekness is not weakness. Meekness is not about giving in. Meekness is about giving ourselves over to Christ and allowing him to lead us on our pathways to victory. Jesus himself, as he died on the cross, demonstrated a lot of meekness, but that wasn't weakness. That was the strongest thing this world has ever known. He accepted death in order that we may live. Would we be so bold as to do the same? The final tension that I see here is that we are often carrying a weight

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that few people ever see. Even other men, even other like-minded men, men in this community, it's so fascinating to me when I start talking to guys and they're like, wait, you feel that too? We, the enemy, I believe, causes us to believe that we're all alone in this, that nobody else is like us. When in reality, though God has called us all uniquely, God has also called us all similarly, and we all face similar things. And so, the weight you're carrying isn't unique, but it's also not seen, and oftentimes that's because you're not showing it.

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You see, most men don't wake up one day and say, I'm losing myself. They just get really good at staying busy. And so, again, we end up facing this tension. If I just keep going and going and going, that's good. The problem is, is as I keep going and going and going, I start to lose myself. And I want to help you win without losing yourself. I don't want to help protect you from losing yourself without giving you the ability to win. Both are possible. And don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise. This is not about a prosperity gospel. This is about the truth of the word of God that says we are to live life to the full.

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That Jesus can give us far more than we could ever possibly imagine. And that's going to look different for everybody. For some of you, it's private planes and Ferraris. For others of you, it's incredible health. For some of you, it's all of it. So it's for God to determine what success looks like, what winning looks like. But we don't have to not pursue it. So I want to help you reframe a little bit about this idea of winning. Because again, I want to help you win practically. But I want to help you see that too often, we're pursuing winning at the cost of our soul. We're pursuing winning at the cost of our sanity. And there are times that we need to see

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that winning can actually cost more than losing. What do I mean by that? Well, I think that sometimes we need to be willing to not be on the top step of the podium that day. So I've been on this journey over the last year with my health where internally my body has been doing really well. But physically at near 48 years old, I'm feeling the effects of going really hard in the CrossFit gym six days a week, sometimes twice a day over the last decade. And I've noticed that I can't show up to perform as well as I had in the past. And so I was like,

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man, I'm just, I'm finally, it's catching up to me. I'm getting old and trying to optimize my health and, you know, all these things. And in some sense, it just still wasn't working. I'd have good days, but then I'd have bad days. And I'm like, what is going on here? Well, I started to realize that I was putting myself into a position where I was constantly exhausted, even though I didn't always feel it. So I wasn't giving my body the ability to show up as its full self. in the gym. And so I had to start learning and I was also experiencing some minor injuries. So I had to start scaling back workouts. I had to start throttling back my effort. As I have done that,

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I have started to lift heavier. I have started to go faster in the workouts that I put more intention into. And, surprise, surprise, my body feels better. What is it for you? So there's a lot of ways that winning can cost more than losing. Here's a few that I see men, maybe just like you, run into that you could probably resonate with. And by the way, this list is not just from what I've heard, it's from what I experienced. A lot of times, we need results to feel okay about ourselves. We need to win. We need to have found success. We need to be driving outcomes in order to feel good.

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and we shouldn't not want to win. But you realize how twisted that is, how sick that is. The thing that we've done to ourselves where we have led ourselves to believe that I'm only as good as my last win. This is a lot of what Alex Hormozzi and Tony Robbins were talking about where Alex was saying he feels that there's a duty to continue to show up every single day and give it his all. If he's not producing, he's not happy. As a matter of fact, he said F happiness. That's what he told Tony and Tony turned that around on him later. But you don't need to produce to feel okay.

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And you need to figure out how to get to that place. I'll get to that in a few minutes. Another thing I see is people and this is very similar that we need to be productive. And so our need to be productive means that we're often not present. We're just going and going and going and we're not paying attention to what's going on in the world around us. We're not paying attention. We're not living in the moment because we're always just thinking about the next one, the next day, the next week, the next season, the next goal, the next whatever. There will always be a next. I'm telling you right now as somebody that had my life nearly taken from me and watched my close friend and so many other people

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lose their lives in an instant. Presence is everything because that goal you want tomorrow you may never have a chance to achieve. another thing I see where guys begin to lose themselves is where they're leading well everywhere but home. Men, your number one priority on this earth, well, your second priority, your number one priority is to glorify God. Your number two priority is to lead in your home. It is to be a husband, a father, it is to give it your all, to be the provider and protector that God calls you to. And so if everywhere else is getting your first and your family is getting

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your left over and you fail. I see men lose themselves when they feel like they've got to work hard to earn rest. If I do, then I can. Do you realize that rest is often the fuel you need to go get everything you've ever wanted? We've got to reframe this mindset. I believe that the most dangerous thing a man can ever achieve, the most dangerous thing a man can realize isn't failure. It's success that never asks him who he's becoming.

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It's success that is not aligned to who God has called him to be. That is how you win and lose yourself. And that is the most dangerous game you can possibly play. Okay, let's start to get practical here. I want to talk about this, this, the truth that is in front of us and it's identity versus performance. who you are is not based on what you've done or what's been done to you. If you've read my book, Wounds, you'll know that this is something that

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I learned the hard way. I often, even when I didn't claim it, I identified with what I did and what had been done to me. the good and the bad. And then I began to realize that that wasn't who I was at all. Especially once I came to know Jesus. Who you are is not based on what you've done. Who you are is not based on what has been done to you. Let's just look to the positive, the positive side of this for a second. Performance. Your ability to show up, to do a great job, to succeed

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and Lord willing, you've had a lot of success as a husband, as a father, in your business, whatever, in the gym. All that performance is a tool, but it's not an identity. God never once asks us to carry who we are. Jesus himself says that he will carry our burdens for us. You see, we grow up, we have all of these grand aspirations, we have all these influencers around us and influences around us, even with good intention like Alex Hormozy, who I have a lot of respect for, Tony Robbins, who I have respect for all these accomplished.

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they're all influencing us to go get it, to live your best life, make the hundred thousand, make the million, make the billion, and do that. That's what God has for you. But none of that gives you any more identity than you already have. identity is received, it's not achieved. We become children of God as the result of Christ's work on the cross, of Christ's election of us, of the

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Spirit of God penetrating our hearts and causing us to turn and respond to Him. We become children of God, the Bible says. That's my identity. That's your identity if you are in Christ. That is received. And if it's received, it's a free gift of grace, then it can't be taken away. So, therefore, whatever I do or don't do, however I succeed or fail, does not add to or take away from that identity. Work hard with all your heart. At the same time, trust in the fact that no matter how hard you work, no matter what you achieve, you ain't going to be any better in God's eyes than you already are. At your worst, the Bible says,

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while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. You and I were enemies of God. That's when He died for us. If He loves us that much at His or at our worst, He's proved to us that there's no greater love. And you may be saying to yourself, well, Ryan, what does this have anything to do with my success? What does this have anything to do with my desire to win? Well, hopefully what you're starting to see here is two things. Number one is its success, it is not as though it was made out to be. Winning, it was

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never made to truly fulfill us. It's not the thing we're actually after. This is why after billions of dollars, Tony Robbins is still searching for the next thing. This is why after ridiculous numbers of acquisitions and sales and millions of books sold, Alex Hormozy still can't be happy. F happiness, he said. Why? Because all the winning in the world isn't what it's made out to be. Tony would even say to Alex, it's your family, your wife. Let me tell you guys, I love my wife, but she's going to fail me. One day

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she's not going to be here. Is that what's been holding me down? Is that what's been anchoring my soul? No way. You see, all those things are fleeting. And so that's not truly where the win is at because that will never fulfill me. On the flip side, this is my favorite part because this is the part, see, that part is the part a lot of Christians talk about. Here's the part of Christian performance that few men talk about and I want to lean harder into. And this is why I believe you're here and why you're watching this. When we realize that our identity is not weighted in

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whether we win or lose, when we realize that we have been created by God for good works, that God prepared beforehand, that's the book of Ephesians, then we all of a sudden have a freedom to give everything to have, or everything we have to everything God calls us to. There is no goal too big. There is no dream too crazy. There is no vision that God will give you that will not be able to be accomplished for those of us that are in Christ. The sky is literally not even the limit.

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Nothing is impossible with God. So then the question remains, what are you going to do? Are you going to continue to chase, and I have a question for you in a minute here for you to ponder, but are you going to continue to chase some version of worldly success through a biblical lens, or are you going to finally fully submit to winning God's way? to succeeding as God calls you to succeed? You see, some of you are going to watch this, some of you are going to listen to this, and you're like,

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okay, I know that to be true, I've read that in the Bible, so I believe it. In my head, I believe it. But Ryan, I've achieved a decent amount to this point in my life, I'm afraid to lose that. I'm afraid to let go of those things, because what if I can't re-attain them? What if letting go of those things and turning in another direction causes me to lose all that I built to this point? I want to tell you something. letting go is only going to show the Lord

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that you are ready to receive what he actually has for you. Letting go of the boat anchors that are dragging you down. Letting go of the things that you are entangled in, not even the sinful things, those two, but letting go of the good things that aren't the God things. One of my best friends, he tells me all the time, good doesn't mean should. We want to pursue that only which is godly. We want to be the most incredible godly business leaders imaginable. But we

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have to open our hands to that. We want the strongest, most satisfying, most joy-filled, sexually charged marriages we possibly can have that will only happen if we open our hands to it. We want a stronger relationship with God. We want to be more deeply connected to him, in tune to his spirit, hearing what he calls us to, and being willing to enable at a moment's notice to turn direction and follow the path that he has for us. We've got to open our hands to it. You decide you consider what God has been putting on your heart and just think of what is possible if you were to actually open your hands and let God work through you. So here's my question.

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This is what I want to land and address more than anything with you or allow you to address with yourself. Actually, two questions. Number one is, have you been winning but in the process you're losing parts of yourself? Your faith, your marriage, your fatherhood, your friendships, credibility, health. You've been winning but you're losing parts of yourself. And my second question to back that up is, what do you really want that could be on the other side of you finally opening your hands once and for all? So you no longer have to lose yourself

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in the process of winning. I get it. I'm chasing the same thing so many of you guys are. A nice home, nice cars, vacations with my family, nice clothes, eating out, enjoying concerts, whatever it is that you are investing, whatever it is that you enjoy doing, all those things. But I have finally, I spent the whole of 2025 and really turning into 2026 recognizing that I believe the deepest desires of my heart have been withheld from me because God

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sees that I'm not ready to let go. What about you? This open discussion that I've had with you is part of a longer conversation called winning without losing yourself. It's not a program yet, but it is a program that I'm building and putting together. But more than a program, it's a pathway forward for you to achieve greatness in the five pillars of greatness that we've talked about. It's not about therapy, it's not about behavior modification, it's not about more hustle, it's not about manipulation in the name of God. This is about formation, this is about winning God's way, this is about living aligned

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to God's call, and building what lasts for the legacy. So my challenge to you is what are you going to do about it? You have an opportunity to live a life far greater than you could ever possibly imagine, but it's going to require you to stop holding on because you could be losing yourself in the process. Peace.